The invisible disability

One of my children has an invisible disability. Another of my children suffers from effects of the same invisible disability. This invisible disability is called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or FAS. FAS is caused when a mother drinks alcohol while pregnant. We are talking about more than a glass of wine or a sip of beer (though I believe that pregnant moms should not drink ANY alcohol - read on and I will explain why!).

You can read all about FAS online... just google it and you can find more information than you ever wanted! In a nutshell, FAS is brain damage done prior to birth. This brain damage can manifest itself in many different ways. The large majority of children born with full blown FAS have distinct facial features and will have true mental challenges. Not all children will have distinct facial features (hence one of the reasons it is called the invisible disability). There is also a condition called FAS-D... or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorders. FAS-D is basically the same thing as FAS, except it is usually not as severe. I am no expert and am not going to get into the guts of the whole thing - but I wanted people to better understand that yes, it is a true disability.

FAS messes with the brain and brain development. It can and will show up differently in different children. FAS can be the cause of or act like ADHD, ADD, ODBD and many other diagnoses. FAS can also cause the brain the function differently than the "normal" brain. Things like learning delays, behavior problems, memory challenges, impulsiveness, sensory issues can all be more prevalient in kiddos with FAS.

There are alot of people out there that will argue that FAS is not a disability, but a behavior problem. Unfortunately, it IS a disability. Since rarely can brain damage be fixed - it is permanent. While my kids don't have a wheelchair or a walker, are blind or deaf or cannot take care of their own person - they suffer from something that they will always have to live with.

For me - FAS has been a challenge that has been ongoing. It challenges me to parent each child differently. To micro-manage one child, while allowing the other immense amounts of hands-off parenting. It is a daily grind of being one-step ahead of each child and being able to head off disasters before they happen. It has alienated our family in so many ways... one child can't do sleep-overs unless there is immense amounts of fore-thought and planning, one child cannot attend birthday parties without our supervision as he gets too over stimulated and will make very bad choices, playdates are a rare thing unless we supervise it as both boys can do things that make it a major disaster for all, homelife has to be kept on a tight schedule or we end up dealing with meltdowns and bad behavior.
Another challenge for us dealing with FAS is the fact that the children do not truly understand why they do what they do. Often their impulsiveness, and bad choices are very spur of the moment kind of things. For example, about a year ago, the kids and I were walking on a sidewalk along a busy road - we were only going 2 blocks on the way to McDonalds. One child would not listen to me and walk in front of me. Typically, I usually have myself walk closest to the road - holding one childs hand, and the other two walk infront of me. The child in question finally moved in front of me... then decided spur of the moment to jump off the curb about 12 inches or so into the roadway. As I leapt forward to grab him - a car came to a screaching halt about 8 feet in front of him. The whole incident scared that crap out of me - and of course the driver of the car - for if he was not paying attention - would have hit him. These kind of incidents seem to happen more often than not - only on different scales.
It seems that FAS can act differently in different kids. Again - that makes it really hard! When you see a child that looks fairly "normal" doing something off-the-wall... you question what the kid is doing. You see a child that may have a visual or physical disability - you don't question things so much.
Over the last few years, I have had many discussions with friends and people who I used to think that were friends, that related to how "I" parent my kids. Most people accuse me of being way too overprotective, too sheltering, and too strict. I don't feel on many levels that sharing with most people that my kids have a "diagnoses" is appropriate. I would rather people look down their nose at "me" than to put a label on my kids. Some parents are ignorant to the fact that when they say things like "Oh that's too bad that "x"'s birth mother was a drunk - that would explain why...."blah blah, that their children are listening and of course will repeat it.

I hope that sharing a bit of this will help others to stop and think a bit more before they judge!

Not sending our dossier to Ukraine

We have made a really tough decision to NOT adopt our boys older brother, Sergey. For the last 6 months, we have been quietly putting together our "dossier" - which is a huge stack of paperwork that needs to be submitted before you can apply to adopt any child internationally. We have everything all apostilled and in order. This decision has been hard and heartbreaking, but we feel that bringing Sergey home with us would not be the best choice for our family.
Sergey is 16 now... he is aging out of his orphanage next month and will be sent on to vocational school to try and learn a trade. Over the last two months, we have learned alot more about Sergey, his strengths and his challenges. We have looked into all sorts of possibilities that would have assisted us with being able to bring him here. For a long time, finances were an issue that slowed things down. We got past that hurdle only to hit another... one that was alot harder to get over.
Sergey has a condition that is similar to one of his brothers. I will get into this condition in another email... but put simply - this condition, while invisible to most - is a true disability. We have had countless emails with two people in Ukraine who have done a wonderful thing by helping us stay in touch with Sergey and get to know more about him. While we have never promised adoption to anyone - the hope has always been there that this would be a possibility.
Over the last couple of months - we have learned much more about behaviors and challenges. While many of these are typical teenage things, they also follow a pattern that makes things more difficult.
We decided that we could not in good conscience add Sergey into our family. The kiddos that we already have present so many different challenges each and every day - we felt that for their well being that adding an older child with a new set of issues would be damaging to the progress that we have worked so hard to obtain.
While we will continue to advocate and support Sergey as best we can.. it does sadden us that his dream of having a real family will have to wait until he is ready to start his own. Just a thank-you to those of you who had sent me emails over the last couple of months... its been a journey that we have learned from. We really had high hopes that we could bring him here and help to "fix" things for him.. unfortunately, it was not meant for us to do.

Long time - no post!

The last 3 weeks have been pretty darn busy! It seems the only times I am sitting down at the computer have been to pay bills and check a few emails! I just downloaded pictures from last month and thru the 2nd... boy am I behind!

I have had a bad head cold for about 2 weeks - I am finally able to sleep at night and get threw the day without any meds... whoo hoo! I have been busy wrapping up my activities at the kids school - what a relief! And basically trying to keep all the critters around here alive... which is a tough task! I am about ready to take our "sweet" little lab, Phebe and find her a new home! She had killed off my second batch of chickens and 3 guinea hen babies! So, out of the 24 chickens I have had at different times this spring - I have 4 left. Not a good ratio! I am hopefully getting my last and final batch today... third times a charm???? We'll see!

Big Al got back from 5th grade camp... 2 days in the woods with no sleep - and we are still enjoying the effects of that! He has been busy each day working with his pigs and winding down to the end of his elementary career.

Little J has been a pistol. He has been a turd at school and at home...so ALOT of energy has gone into trying to manage (and not strangle) him and his behavior. It has been challenging to say the least! He is enjoying his new piggies too!

Miss O has been doing really well... still growing like a weed! She had her training wheels raised up on her bike - and now she does not like riding it at ALL! She has reverted to the trike! That's ok... she is still really young to be riding a bike anyways!

Other than those things... just trying to get back to getting ready for summer and having three kids home for 2 months!!

2009 Fishing Derby

We took all the kids to the Kiwanis fishing derby at the pond. All the kids had a great time... nothing like hanging out around a stinky pond with kids all over the place "trying" to fish! HAHA!
Both boys caught 2 fish each! Big Al won 2nd place in his age bracket for largest fish! It was almost 14 inches long... he got a new tackle box, with some gear and a free pizza! Not bad!
Little J didn't win anything - but he did have a good time!

Big Al with his prize... he was really thrilled to win something!

Little J showing off his first trout that he caught... not a prize winner - but he had fun!

Miss O gave up on fishing and went to play games!

Little J concentrates hard on the fish! He has learned to become more patient when fishing! Too bad he did not use that patience during other times!

Big Al had fun... it was unfortunate that he did not listen to Mama! There was a board in the water - sort of half sitting on rocks... I told him to NOT stand on it... more than once! Before the day was over - he stood on it again and quickly fell in... the stink of pond did not seem to bother him!

Miss O enjoyed about an hour of fishing and then gave up! While she likes fishing - just not very much of it!

Introducing.......

And the drumroll please.......

Welcome to the boys new pigs!

Bill and Charlotte - Big Al's new piglets!
Oreo and Sunshine - Little J's new piglets!

My sweet girl

I took some really sweet pictures of Miss O.. I just had to post them! She has the sweetest heart when it comes to outside animals (cats - not so much!)!
She just LOVES to be outside... practically BEGS to be out there! Since we had such a nice day yesterday - I caught her in a few of her sweet little gestures!

Miss O just LOVES to brush the dogs.. the dogs, well, they tolerate it! PJ loves to lay in the sun - so he sort of lumps out the whole brushing episode!

Bunny, my horse, she is not the sweetest creature on earth... in the beginning - she chased the cows down to where she had to be seperated by acres as to not kill them! Either the mothering instinct kicked in - or she is just bewildered by them! Since our little Bambi has been ill.. she likes to stay near him and check on him every so often...

Miss O loves to spend time sitting and talking, hugging and petting Bambi! Since he lays around alot - he is a great pet for her to love on! She wants him to feel better and is constantly asking him if he "fes getter"? (feels better!)

She just loves her critters!

Happy May Day!

The boys spent May Day getting the new addition to the pig pen done for Little J's new pigs! It was supposed to be a "Papa and Me" project - but Big Al just can't help himself and has to take over... not a surprise!!

What a slacker!

I have to say that the last two weeks have been long and drawn out - yet flown by! Not too much has been going on - other than the usual! :)

I have been busy with a sick calf - who has taken up alot of my outside time, poor thing - we are hoping that he gets better soon! Phebe - the (hopefully) last Lab we will ever have - has been on a roll of mass destruction! She destroyed a planter full of flowers after I got them all ready, then she dug a hole in the new area of yard that we just leveled and seeded, she chewed up a shoe, she chewed up some irrigation drip line.. and then she killed all but four of my baby chicks! ARGHHHH....

The kids have been busy in school.... Little J has been having some "challenges" coping with other people lately, and that has taken alot of redirection and "patience" that is starting to really exhaust me! I hope that with a new month coming - I can get back to keeping the blog up to date... heres to hoping!

April Snow Showers bring May Flowers???

Yep - woke up to snow on the ground and snow falling... You have got to be kidding me!!
Oh well - I guess the plants I set in the garden are toast - nothing like the weather to help stimulate the economy by making people buy more plants! Arghhhhh!!!!

Easter fun

Sunday was a gorgeous day! We were able to have our Easter Egg Hunt outdoors! The Easter Bunny went easy on the boys - who decided after last year that there was no such thing as an Easter Bunny! Neither boy complained or had any negative feedback this year - what a relief!!
Since each kiddo had their own individualized hunt for eggs and prizes - they worked together to help each other!

Big Al hunts around a tree for one of his clues.. while lil sis is telling him to look for an egg! We heard the word "duuuuuuhhhhh" muffled - but not quite enough!

Miss O had to be involved in EVERYTHING! Here she is helping Little J try to open his egg to find a clue!

Miss O and Little J seem to work pretty well together when it comes to stuff like this... unfortunately - they are very much like two peas in pod when it comes to behavior!

Someone had a clue to check for eggs in a hen-house!! How original!! Good thing the hens did not get upset about it!

The gruesome threesome enjoyed the beautiful morning while doing the hunt.. we all probably walked about 2 miles before it was all said and done!

The Easter Bunny must have been on a tight budget - or he/she finally figured out that the kids (Big Al) literally make themselves sick by eating all the candy in 15 minutes or less! This year it was more little toys and less candy! Here - Big Al is showing off his goods!

Miss O had a blast! She really gets into parties and celebrations of any kind... she squealed most the morning and had to talk all about the "wab-it" that brought her stuff!

Little J, who was the nay-sayer last year had only good things to say about the easter bunny this year - hmmmm imagine that!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful day with their families!!

No longer babies... now little "men"

Mooooooooo to you says Brownie - who was fortunate enough to only get one shot out of the whole deal!
Baby shows off his new "do"... he was not happy!

Bambi just gives up and sports his new duct tape look!

Ahhh the wonderful act of banding! Poor Baby!

What Sunday afternoon would not be complete without taking away the man-hood of a couple of bull calves??? Bambi and Baby got their shots, horns pasted and their "unmentionables" banded off! We put duct tape over the dehorning paste this time, as Cuddles managed to rub all his off - hence the fact that he got his redone this time! Both babies did fairly well, considering!

Last Tournament of the year

Well, Saturday was our LAST wrestling tournament of the year - and probably the one that was the best and the worst!
The Good.... the gym was not too crowded, the school was nice, things moved pretty fast and it was really organized, oh and Big Al won 3rd place!
The Bad.... both boys had really tough competition! Including each other!
The Ugly... in the consolation round, Big Al and Little J had to wrestle each other... the winner of that match would go on to wrestle for 3rd place... I actually added video this time :) as it is both my boys - so yelling at them was justified!! haha! Actually, it was a tough match, which I think that they both enjoyed... until the end! Big Al beat Little J on points... 14-4... He was unable to pin his little brother, who did put up a fight! Both boys hugged at the end, and Little J actually was smiling before walking off the mat.. then, all Hell broke loose! Little J stormed up to his seat in the stands and was completely unconsolable for the next 45 minutes. Tears, violent rocking, kicking... it was UGLY! Not until he walked off the mat did he realize that HE was not getting a medal... he believed 100% (and still does) that his brother is 100% responsible for him not getting one! No matter how many times you tell him the FACTS, like his brother still had to wrestle again to get a medal and actually win... does not matter.. according to Little J its all his brothers fault.... oh well... whatcha gonna do? The kid is totally NOT reasonable when he gets in one of his moods.. which happened to last the whole rest of the day... argh!

Here are the two brothers getting ready to face off in the consolation round!

Big Al, sporting his bronze medal after his 3rd place win!

This video below is Big Al finishing off his 3rd place match!

I am very thankful that wrestling is OVER! No more major sports stuff until fall!! Whoo hoo! The nice thing is that next year, the boys won't have the threat of having to wrestle each other since they will be in different age brackets... what a relief!

The match of the season

Last night, Big Al and Little J had their end of season inter-league wrestling match. Unfortunately, our worst fears came true... the boys had to wrestle each other! Big Al was extremely cocky prior to the match, saying he was going to cream his little brother on the mat... this of course got Little J's confidence way down.
I had to video the whole thing of course - which I can't post - due to the fact that I broke my promise to myself to keep quiet and just record.. haha! It is a challenge to cheer for both evenly... it didn't happen of course, I did end up cheering louder for Little J, since he was by far the underdog!
In the end, Big Al pinned Little J in the final round - near the end.. I think that Little J was worn out! Both boys made me proud by congratulating each other and being proud of how they did. Little J was happy with himself that he didn't cry!
The boys placed 1st and 2nd in their bracket and got another nice medal to add to their little collection!!

Big Al is 11!

Today, Big Al turned 11!

Wow how time flies!!!
Happy Birthday!!!

My how they've grown!

Here are Cuddles and Brownie at 2 months old (plus a few days)... they are still cuties.. but not as fun to bottle feed! I am having challenges weaning them off the bottle, especially when the little guys, Baby and Bambi are around! I am hoping that in the next few weeks they will start to graze on actual grass.. so I can save the hay!!

Bambi and Baby are doing really well! Baby is now on the bottle full time.. I think after a few of the force feedings with the tube that he decided to get with the program! He is growing and is almost as big as Bambi. Tomorrow, Baby is 2 weeks old and Bambi is 2 weeks 2 days...
Tomorrow, I'll have to post a picture of my new chicks... they are adorable!!

Meeting a movie star......??

Looks almost fake, doesn't he???
On Sunday, we stopped by our feed store to get some fencing items, and of course to see a movie star! This horse, Pelome, was in the Zorro movie w/Antonio Banderas! Here in our town - that's pretty cool! This horse was actually INSIDE the store, and as you can see from the photo, there was nothing holding him down! He sorta just stood there and watched everyone! The kids got to pet him and get their picture taken with him... they even got autographs! Well, it was a hoofprint on his picture.. still... they had fun!

Our newest additions

Meet our two newest additions! Bambi and Baby!

Miss O got to name one of the calves... who is a week old today - Bambi.... our poor calves all have very feminine names! Bambi is alot of fun... he is really pushy and loves to rub into you with his head.. he is a cutie!

Baby on the other hand is only 4 days old... he is having a rough start. Unlike Bambi, who attacks his bottle of milk, Baby won't take the bottle yet - so we have to tube feed him - not very pleasant!

This week, Cuddles and Brownie will both be slowly weaned off the bottle... much to their true love of the bottle... they see it and come running!!

His first medal !!

Saturday we had another wrestling tournament.... Both boys did pretty well... even though it was an extremely LOOONG day for the boys (and us too!) The boys did weigh in at 7am and we did not leave until almost 8pm! ARGH!!
Needless to say... it was a happy day for both boys!!
Little J won his first match - which was a great feat for him! Big Al lost his first match to a really good kid - but he was ok with it - since he knew the other wrestler had LOTS more experience.. Little J won his 2nd match - as the other wrestler forfeited! So, due to that, he was automatically in the finals round for 1st or 2nd... Just pure luck we think.. but he does not care!!
Big Al won his second match and qualified for the consulation round... just so happened he got a bye - and got to wrestle for 3rd or 4th place!
In the finals round - Little J got pinned in about 30 seconds - but still took 2nd place over all... he was so concerned that since he got pinned so quick that he would no longer get an award... his main concern!! :) So, he took 2nd in the weight class.
Big Al had a great 3rd match.. he won 17-3... the other wrestler was pretty agressive, but Big Al had more skill and won on points. So, Big Al took 3rd in the weight class!
Both boys were extremely happy and proud to get their medals!!!

Below is Big Al starting his match for 3rd place

Little J was just getting started.. I barely had time to get any video before he got pinned!

Big Al taking on his opponent in his match he won.

A quick picture of Little J (the blur in red!) in his first (and only winning) match of the day!

I did not add any video this time... I yelled too much - so all you hear is my screaming and cheering for the boys!! I need to take some tape for my mouth next time!! We are very proud of both boys who did great jobs in their matches and exhibited some great sportsmanship!!

Happy Birthday Papa!

Since he was a St. Patrick's Day baby... its tough to find an "appropriate cake!"... so above is the end product....

Miss O was in charge of mixing - you can't see it well.. but we dyed the cake batter GREEN! She loved it!

Miss O and the boys did some birthday shopping and of course wrapped the gifts in green!

Papa was happy to get a chess set from Little J.... (though none of us play chess!)

Happy Birthday to Papa!!

What's new here.....

I am going to go backwards on what has happened since my last post... so bear with me! Yesterday was Agriculture Appreciation Day - which hosted all the students in 3rd grade from around the Valley to learn about all the "ag" related products produced here! I decided to tag along with Miss O... just for fun - well... and to see a few more of the boys in Little J's class to figure out which ones he needs to be seperated from in 4th grade... there were so many - it is going to be hard to choose! haha! At Ag Day - they brought in different kinds of livestock... Miss O is here talking to a Holstein mama-cow... she enjoyed it! She also loved seeing the Baby cow and the chickens... funny - since she sees those every day at our house!

At one of the inside stations, Little J is attempting to plant a bean in a baggie... hmmm.. Miss O had to get in on the action and watch as well! They also had a wagon ride - that we went on, all the kids loved that! Unfortunately, the only bad thing was the weather... snow and cold! Oh well... it was a fun 2 hours!

Over the weekend, Uncle Jim and Aunt Erica came over to help with the calves... both "boys" got their horns pasted to help them fall off.. (we don't need any horny cows here - we have other problems!) And they also got "banded"... I decided for their privacy to not show the pictures of that! Basically, its a simpler method of castrating... Aunt Erica is really good at this... I'll give her credit! You have to get all their "goods" together, then a special rubber band is placed at the base... apparently in a few weeks, they will have two less body parts! We made the boys help and watch the process... with a warning to never mess with Aunt Erica!! :)

Above picture is Cuddles donning his freshly pasted horns... Below is Brownie - who was not very cooperative with the whole thing... can you blame him????

Miss O has been working on what she likes to call "homework".. which we practice saying her letters and tracing them... she seems to think that she is more than qualified to grade Big Al's homework!!

And take a look at the picture below and see if you can figure out what is missing and altered??? Poor Lyger is a long-haired cat.. occasionally we have to clip under his arms/legs to keep the mats of hair from getting too big... apparently, I screwed up and left the clippers on the bed.... a certain someone FOUND the clippers, and since Lyger is so gentle when he is sleeping... well... he woke up with a "new do"! He is minus his eye-whiskers and his whiskers around his nose are well... cropped close! Poor thing has not wanted to go outside at night to hunt!! Miss O apparently wants to study cosmotology when she gets older!!

I hope that everyone is having a great week so far!!