The big "A" word...... ADOPTION

A few days ago, a friend asked me if I thought that Miss O was "just like everyone else her age". My first thought was "WHY??? Does she act different??" Before I got my hackles raised too much - I asked her to clarify... she was asking more about the developmental part of things - you know, the big "A" word! Some people don't like to say it, because they are worried about offending you some how... Quite honestly, I am rarely offended.... annoyed yes, but not offended -haha!

The Big "A" word... Adoption

Some days, my kids "forget" that they were adopted - and actually ask... it's almost funny when one says... "Was I adopted?". Whenever my kids ask that, I always add a few comments like their "egg was hatched in Ukraine" as well as the "you were CHOSEN". We talk about how we actually got to CHOSE them... they were not assigned, they did not pop out, they were not delivered... THEY WERE CHOSEN, and that makes them extremely special. It is so important for them to realize that there is NOTHING wrong with being CHOSEN.. that is the way their lives here started. Making a bunch of nonsense up and trying to add to any fantasy that they may have about their previous life is just asking for disaster!

We don't like to dwell on the reasons that they were made available for adoption... I will never lie to my kids and tell them something that is not true about their past. The boys and Miss O have seperate tales... their reasons for being here today are completely different. What they have in common though, is that the past that they were able to leave behind carries much tragedy. When they are MUCH older, they will have access to everything that we know - if they want it... that choice will be theirs.

To try and compare an internationally adopted child to an American homegrown kid is virtually IMPOSSIBLE!!! No matter how much love and attention you give - there is a part that will be missing - even though it may appear very small, it is there in one form or another. Just an example - Miss O is very well rounded and well adjusted. She has no memories of life in the orphanage. The orphanage/hospital is the only place she lived until she came home with us. In the orphanage, children were deposited into their cribs at night - no tuck ins, no hugs good night, no cuddling. Many of these kids learn ways to self - soothe themselves to sleep. Miss O had a method of rocking on her head and sucking her thumb. While she still does a little of it today, she has slowed on the thumb sucking - but can still spend 20 to 30 minutes of hard rocking on her head - making a real hairbrushing nightmare for the next day!!

My kids are about as "on track" as they are going to be... I don't compare them to others - or compares others to them... that would be unfair! :)