Is it wrong to want to run someone over?

On a daily basis, I always wonder what I would do if I were driving down the street and the boys birth mother would be walking down the same street.....

Not to sound judgemental, or pointing a finger or "accuse" someone of something... but I like to put 99% of the blame for my kids challenges on HER. True, we made the decision to adopt the boys (maybe that is the 1%)... but we did so with the hope that we would be able to raise them and love them and mold them into awesome little people that made society a better place. So, here we are facing an uphill battle to parent these kids that have a hidden disability....

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is one of those things you rarely hear about, unless you are in a bar and actually read the warning sign that says pregnant women should not drink because it could lead to Fetal Alcohol Disorder. FAS is a very non-noticeable disability that makes life really tough for those who suffer from it - and even harder for those who love that person.

The one thing that always makes me so mad is that FAS is 100% PREVENTABLE.... 100%!!! If you don't drink - it won't happen!

While I know that I should feel sympathy/empathy/compassion etc etc for this woman - and be thankful that she did bring the boys into this world... I DON'T... When I look that the selfish choices she made with not only ONE child, but THREE... I get mad! All three boys will have a lifelong list of challenges to face to fit into the world. FAS brain damage cannot be reversed, repaired or "fixed"... there are very few bandaids that work for very long.... it is a hourly and daily challenge to get through each and every day with success... and not to mention EXHAUSTING.

Why is it exchausting? Let me see if I can try to explain.... as the "normal child grows and matures, he learns information/skills/techniques to make his daily life easier... for example, you teach your child to shower... turn on water, close curtain, shampoo hair, wash with soap, rinse, turn off water, grab towel and dry off... then get dressed. Sounds simple, right? Well, FAS does a nice little trick and makes sure that the cables that carry info back and forth in the brain forget a step or two, or gets them out of order - DAILY. So - if your child showers EVERY day, each day you get something forgotten or done out of order. One day it might be they remember to turn the water on and get it... and that's about it. Another day they will fail to close the curtain... another day they will decide that instead of getting dressed they will lay on the floor, dripping wet under a towel... until you come check on them and have to remind them the next step.

Now - imagine the steps for EACH AND EVERY DAILY FUNCTION... from getting into the car, to getting dressed, to getting your teeth brushed, to eating, to using the bathroom... and on and on and on... Now - repeat that 365 days in a row.... so, each day is a bit different... a different challenge - yet the same. You get really worn down. You also get to the point where you can just LOOK at your child and know what they did or did not do without any outward signs from them. You know the lie out of their mouth before they make it, you know that step 3 of 4 did not get done, you know that they are thinking about how to avoid what you will say next... call it ESP...

Over time, you learn what situations will set your child into a mood or have an episode, or put them in a position where their "bad choice" will turn out disasterous... sadly - you learn that there is no way to be able to use consequential learning... these FAS kids do not learn from a situation with consequences the first, third, seventeenth or twentith time... and if they do actually learn it - with their horrible memory challenges, they will forget, until it is too late! As a parent, you learn that it is just better to avoid those situations all together. Even if it means your child won't be able to do the things that everyone else does... that's emotionally exhausting because you feel guilt for not letting your kids do the "things" that you "think" that they should get to do... all those growing up things. It's tough, it's not fair and again - IT IS EXHAUSTING!

So would I run her over ? I guess it depends on the day... I think a better punishment would be to MAKE her be a good parent and parent them... maybe, just maybe she would see a glimpse of the damage that she has done.