Sunday Dad update

Yesterday was another tough day to see my Dad... I was a bit surprised to actually see him "alive" when I arrived. I mean, he is breathing "sort of"... but basically in a almost vegetative type state.

Today, my brother arrived. I went over to watch the football game and sit with Dad. The hard part is that Dad's breathing is very sparatic. Sometimes, he stops breathing for a few seconds and you wonder - "Is this it?". I have had such mixed emotions. When he stops, I think, is that it - is the suffering over? Is he going to start again? Because he is in hospice, we can't do anything or have anyone do anything to prolong his life (another post on how I feel about hospice another time).

When the game was over.. my mom, my brother and I all gathered around him, held his hand, rubbed his head and arm and told him it was ok for him to let go. It was a tough time for all three of us. We hope in our hearts he could hear us and just let go. We told him about how wonderful he was, and how much of a fighter, but how tired his body was and his body could take no more.

Leaving tonight was so hard... but I said my goodbyes and said what I could to relieve my own feelings just a bit. Still, very heartbreaking. If he is still with us tomorrow, it will surprise me. I sure love you Dad!