Making a really tough decision...

It has been a really tough few weeks.. probably the main reason that I have not blogged. We have had some major issues with Big Al, and the sub-par choices that he has been making. There comes a point along the journey where you have to stop, evaluate and decide what is going to work best for your family. For those folks that never reach that point - you are LUCKY!

FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) is something that Big Al has and he will struggle with it far into adulthood. In the last few months, the combo of FAS and puberty hormones (which, by the way - are both awful, but combine them and WHOA NELLY!)has been pushing Big Al to the limit of his decision making and behavior. As parents with two other younger kiddos, we had to make a tough choice to protect ALL our kids. Big Al was/is basically out of control and nothing we can do will slow him down. Nothing - we have tried.

So, we did some research and soul searching and decided to send him to The Ranch for Kids in Eureka, Montana. This is a therapeutic respite facility that caters to FAS kids that have been adopted internationally.

Last week, the three of us made the trip - a very long nine hour drive each way. Big Al showed very little emotion or anxiety about being left there. And sadly, neither did we when we left him there. There was a major sense of relief that he was in the right place and would be supervised 24/7 x 365.. which is something that had been bringing our whole family down and exhausting all of us emotionally and physically.

While not the easiest of choices - it was one of the only ones we can make for him....

Finally Friday!

It has been one looooong week I tell ya! Today, Miss O and I went to watch Little J and his choir sing at CWU for a couple of hours... the choir is getting so much better! We spent the rest of the day running countless numbers of errands and just making it home in time to get things rolling for dinner!
Knock on wood - Little J has been doing pretty well... he has a better attitude and loves to offer to help - especially lately... not sure why... but I am not going to question it (yet!!).

We have had a really long and mentally/physically exhausting week with Big Al. We have found more items being hoarded in his room and he is back on the "eating crayons" band wagon! He has brought home small garbage items and been hiding them to eat them at night. It is unfortunate that we cannot find a counselor that specializes in PICA (which is the medical term for what he has). I have horrible fears that he is going to eat something really wrong that will either tear him up on the inside or cause real serious poisioning. We can talk to him about it until we are blue in the face - and have on many occasions. It is really a very sad situation for him, as his condition forces us to be extremely over-vigilant about where he is and what he is doing. I feel more like a prison warden than a mom on most days... searching through every offafice of his room, patting him down morning and night for "contraban"...
I have had numerous incidents of "intuition" with Big Al, that have proved 100% dead-on... and I hate knowing that if we don't have an eagle-eye on him, he will do something that will cause him harm.
Trying to figure out what to do with him this summer is going to be a challenge! There is no summer school or long-term summer programs locally with enough supervision to handle him...... I sure wish we had more military boarding schools close by!!

2 steps forward, 6 steps back

This last week plus has been longer than I can imagine! I was doing so well with more frequent posts! Unfortunately, I have had to spend alot of time online to look for help with the oldie-but goodies behavior challenges! The rest of this post is a bit rant-y and probably grammatically bad... read ahead if you dare!

The last week has been alot of communication going on regarding Big Al and his IEP. If you have been following along, you will have already known that Big Al is not quite one of those people who compete in "all you can eat" type contests!
We have still not finished his final IEP. I found out today that his reading score actually DROPPED this year. That means that he had ZERO progress in reading in the last six months. These test scores were just made available to me in an email. Needless to say - I am very disenchanted with his "program" right now.
That test shows that his level and comprehension of reading has actually decreased since he was tested in the spring. In the real world, it means that somewhere along the line, some of the things he had "learned" have actually disappeared.
So, that was the first kicker!
The other kicker stems from Friday. I found out that Big Al was NOT taking his required snack to his teacher and eating it in class. Of course, his teacher did not let me know this... I had to ask her! This coming from a teacher who has been spouting off that "nutrition is so vital to learning"! HA - not funny haha, just a very sarcastic HA to that!

I thought things were going well... I guess I "wanted to believe" that for once, things were going well. Again, I was truly disappointed in not only the "system", but also my son, who has continued to lie to me and others about tossing his lunch versus eating. I know that I "should" say that I am disappointed in Big Al's choice and behavior, but quite frankly I am just disappointed in HIM. This is a really important time in his life, and though he has had all the information, the motivation, the consequences and the benefits put in front of him, he has chosen to do things "his" way! I know that about 80% of this is his own way of "in your face, Mom!" kinda thing that he is doing passively... but it just chaps my hide knowing that in the end, the person who will be hurt the most from his actions and choices is him!
There have been about five major challenges we have had with him in the last week. All of which stem from his "crappy choices". One was lying about getting detention, two was not coming home after school, lying about why and then being difficult, three was trying to (yet again) give away money to "friends for hire" at school, four for lying about his PE clothes and to a few different teachers in one day, five for getting in trouble for trying to flush some other kid down the toilet, six for lying about his snacks and lunches to me and his teacher... whoops... guess that is more than five, and the list is so much longer.
So, has this week been any different than previous weeks? Nope... I think that he is just getting caught more! I can only say that it is mentally exhausting, physically stressful and socially embarassing to have all this go on within a very short period of time.
Seriously, I am doing alot of searches for boarding schools online! If you have a good suggestion... PLEASE share!

One week later....

Late last week, I got in touch with Big Al's SS teacher at school, who is helping by holding Big Al the last 7 minutes of his class each day to eat his sandwich and drink an Ensure shake.
By doing this - with the shake itself, twice a day, adds 500 calories to his diet each day. I put him on the scale last night and he was up 2 pounds in a week. So, hopefully, the combination of him actually eating his sandwich and the added calories will help put some extra weight on him!

I thought about giving him Pediasure instead, but it is so very expensive and the comparison of calories and nutrients is about the same. Since I can get pretty good deals on Ensure and the store brands, it seems like a better option!

Big Al is not exactly thrilled with the new routine - but he decided that this would be a better option than ME coming and sitting down and having lunch with him every day and making him eat, now that would be embarassing for him!

His appointment at Children's next week may be interesting.... I was hoping that we could piggyback a few appointments to save some driving, but, we'll have to see what happens!

Back to the drawing board.... grrrrr

A little over six months ago, I took Big Al to Children's Hospital in Seattle for some testing to determine if there was any "medical" reason for lack of "growth".... Pretty much things came back that he had some delayed bone growth, and if all went well, he would mature to be a somewhat "normal" height....(5'5 to 5'7) the part about "if all went well" was regarding his eating habits and actually putting on weight!

Wellllll... here we are six+ months later - and guess what????? ZERO weight gain - he actually lost a little over a pound.... grrrrrrr....

He is actually throwing out the "good" things in his lunch and eating the "healthy" stuff! Daily - he throws out his sandwich - which is the big amount of protein - usually pb&j - since he won't even consider lunch meat! For a few days - I made him JUST a sandwich and his juice... still - he decided to go (as far as I know) hungry. I don't fill his lunch with sugary snacks, as the last thing this kid needs is any more stimulation. He gets things like homemade dried fruit, fruit leather, veggies, string cheese and maybe an occasional cookie or mini-mint pattie. The kid needs proteins, not carbs - and not alot of added extra sugar!
I am running out of "reasonable" options! I could push the doctor to write a letter requiring him to have supervised lunch time... oh that would really chap his hide!! Or, I could have him eat numerous smaller snack-lunches while in special ed classes...... Or I could just let it go and pull him out of all his sports and activities so he can study FOOD full time!

I know most of his issue is that it is a control thing... he wants to be in control - and there is no one there to keep him accountable for making a good choice - and he knows that! No matter how many discussions we have - no matter how many good points we bring up about WHY it is important to eat - no matter how many incentives... nothing is working!

I had to schedule another appointment at Children's for 2 weeks out... I just don't know what else to do... driving me nuts! Part of me says to just LET IT GO... but the smart part says that there will be long term consequences if I don't just do everything in my power - no matter how exhausting, stressful, time consuming and annoying it is!

Grrrrr is the only way to describe it!

The last week in pictures (and comments!)

The last week or so has been fairly uneventful! We have been busy enjoying summer and then cursing the wind when it ruins things! haha!

The photos are sort of backward... so here goes! Above is the boys releasing some of the "mystery" fish that they caught at one of the lakes we went to. They released them into our pond.. probably not the "best" place for the fish... but who knows!

Little J is the "master".... he just Looooooves fishing! He caught four fish on this trip... we were only there an hour - but apparently he had the touch - yet again!

Big Al finally caught his first fish about 15 minutes prior to leaving... Little J let him borrow his "lucky" pole! Big Al ended up catching another fish shortly after this one!

Big Al and Little J had to do all the work! The hubby and I keep procrastinating on getting our fishing licenses! So the boys had to be pretty self sufficient (like usual) with the fishing... AND helping their little sister! Miss O caught one fish - loved it and then was done! She is a fair weather fisher-woman! I don't blame her - I get bored pretty easily too!

Both boys have been busy working with their piggies daily! They have to practice walking them and also getting the pigs used to bathing.. which is almost comical! This weekend the piggies will be weighed, informally, to see if they are on track for the fair.. keep your fingers crossed!

Little j just loves to read! He could be riding his boke, or scooter or motorcycle on this glorious day - but no - he's sitting down with a good book!

Miss O has been a busy little beaver! Here she is drawing with sidewalk chalk! Her constant buddy, Phebe is "helping"! Phebe likes to take the chalk and eat it! Yuck! Miss O also likes to play "birthday" with Phebe... trying to get her to hang out with her in the back yard and have a little party where she sings to Phebe... its really cute!

The hubby and I went away for a night to Cave B winery and Inn... it was reeeeallly nice! I don't drink wine - but the food and the scenery was amazing... and it was sooooooo quiet! It was a nice 18 hour escape that we really needed!

This was the view from our room. Our room was actually built into the hillside and resembled a cave - it was super cool!

Hope everyone else is having a great summer!

Wow - end of the month...already????

I realized today that I had started a bunch of posts, and then became too busy to finish them.. So, I'll put it all in one big nutshell!!

Big Al : We started up regular wrestling in the last week.. unfortunately - he has already missed two practices due to behavior issues. :( He has a large project in school... Celebration of Cultures, that he is "supposed" to be working on studying family history, information about his heritage, etc... lets just say that his understanding of what his assignments given are not working out too well. And, Mama is holding him accountable for this - and he is not happy! We also discovered this week that Big Al has been the lucky "purchaser" of lots of candy on the playground at school... over $50 worth.... this is NOT good. I should not say "lots" more like a few handfuls and 5 or so dum-dum suckers... yes - $50+.... Let's just say that he has not had a good last week and a half!

Little J : Little J has been working on learning about Japan at school for the last few weeks... and for the life of him - he keeps calling everything "Chinese"! He has been enjoying his Japanese name in school of "Kenji" and loves the origami - today is his Japanese festival - so that should be fun! Little J also started wrestling - its his very first time - I am not a big supporter of this sport for him because he is well.... the best word I can use would be "less-determined"... He had his first practice - which he enjoyed. I, on the other hand did NOT enjoy it when I saw WHO they had paired him up with. His "partner in crime" from second grade! I will call him "Cody". I will quickly say that this boy was 80% of the reason that Little J had a horrible year in second grade.... I knew that trouble would be happening if he spent any more time with this kid.... I went thru alot of pain getting Little J seperated and distanced from "Cody" this year... and all my hard work was quickly ripped away the day after wrestling practice when he hung out with "Cody" during lunch and got in trouble. Let's say that it took a few hours for my blood pressure to go down! ARGH... So, if his coaches won't agree to keep "Cody" away from Little J at wrestling - we are done with that! Sounds harsh - but honestly, I am NOT going to deal with the "Cody" issue again. No WAY!

Miss O: She has been doing pretty darn well... except for her colds and changes in lack-of-nap time! She was moved up to the older preschool class - which goes from 12:30 to 2:45, W,TH, F. She rides the bus to school - but I have to pick her up. She is enjoying seeing some of her old friends from last year and doing more "big" kid stuff. She has been a real... pill.... due to the lack of nap - so she gets bedtime at 7:30, for which she is out in about 10 minutes... nice !! :)
Miss O also got ALL her kindergarten shots, even though she won't start until 2010... since she was four - we figured we'd get them all done and over with - whoo hoo! She is also in the 75th percentile for weight and about 90th percentile for height... the dr estimated that if she continued at this rate - she would end up at 5'8 or 5'9 and probably very lean.... uh oh! The hubby will be busy screening her dates when she is 16!

Not too much else to report... the county is trying to fix the roads and driveways around us from the "great flood of 09"... the freeway we use all the time in front of us has taken forever to get repaired - big pain and lots of waiting! We usually go the long way around it! The weather has been cold - but there has been some sunshine - nice to see!

I'll try to get back into a regular blogging schedule - things have been a little crazy with the new schedule and everything else going on!

Have a great weekend!

The rest of the aftermath! - notes to self!

I need to make a mental note to self.....

#1 - Don't forget how over stimulated two boys get when the holidays come around! Arghhh....
Though it is a wonderful and enjoyable time of year, it is also incredibly stressful and can make parenting these two tougher than usual!
Two days in a row - Big A had major "challenges" that made some of his visiting time with his cousins very limited! Todays incident was biting his brother... hard enough to break skin - and his brother was wearing his snow gloves - so you know it was hard!

#2 - Cut back on fun gifts or make each boy get EXACTLY the same thing - right down to the color!
Little J is very vocal when someone else (aka his brother) gets something that HE may have wanted for 2 seconds in the last 8 years of his life... this causes a bit of a mental meltdown that always takes more than a few minutes to blow over. Maybe extra duct tape to keep him quiet would be in order!

#3 - Consider just letting Santa do his job... if he does not show... oh well!
I'm getting tired of the old naughty and nice list threat! Maybe next year I will hold fast to it!

#4 - Purchase ear plugs, dead batteries and non-functioning screw drivers!
That way - what is noisy that does not have batteries won't be heard, what needs batteries won't work, and what needs to be opened to put batteries in can't be opened... until the next day the store is open! :)

Anyone else got any great holiday tips?????