National Adoption Month and Q & A

November is National Adoption Awareness Month! You will probably see it mentioned on lots and lots of blogs! I just wanted to take a few minutes to share some of my thoughts on adoption and share some of the reasons why we adopted!

Like most families, when we were ready to start our family, we put alot of things into perspective... things like how many kids, how would we pay for college, did we want to move somewhere that was more family friendly and had more opportunities for families... things like that. After weighing lots of options and choices, we chose adoption. Not that biological children were out of the question - we just decided that we would try adoption first. We liked the idea that instead of having a new branch of our family tree, we would graft on a new branch!

We liked the idea that these children were without something that we could provide, a loving family.

After watching some close friends go through the state foster adopt system, it was clear to us that we would not be able to emotionally go that route. We looked at private adoption - which had many risks as well as the huge financial and emotional toll. That was when we started looking into international adoption. We looked at different countries and started weighing the options each had, as well as the financial aspect.... it was narrowed down to Russia.

When we started to investigate the different agencies that did adoptions in Russia (and there were hundreds of them!) We found one that we seemed to like and that came with good references. After getting the paperwork started and learning more about how the process worked - things began to change! We were very concerned about the fact that the "referral" aka the prospect child that we would be commiting to would be a child we had never seen or spoke to or held or touched. This issue troubled us. It troubled us enough to change to a country where you did not have any idea of your referral until you were in country. That country was Ukraine!

You can read more about our first adoption trip by clicking on the labels that state 2001 adoption on the lower right side of the blog!

So - during and after the process, we had alot of questions regarding how these new-fangled international adoptions worked.. here are a few of my favorites - with some responses!

1. How long did it take start to finish? (note - our first adoption was in 2001, things change!) From start to finish, it took us about 9 months to bring home two boys.

2. How much did "they" cost? I always love this one! Because, if the folks asking would just change the "they" part to "the process".. those folks would get a much better answer! Usually, I would just smile and say that there was no PRICE to pay for the children - that they were free! But, in order to get them home.....

$15000 -agency fees, $7500 - translator fees, $4000 - paperwork fees, $6000 - airfare, $7500 costs while in Ukraine for 4 weeks.... 2 cute little boys - PRICELESS!

3. Did they speak English? ummmmm no!

4. Are they brothers? This one cracks me up often... as if I could answer and say "Why no... they are both my sons... but we have them call each other cousin"..... duh

I know that most people want to know if they are biologically related - but honestly - depending on my mood will depend on how politely I answer! :)

5. Why were they in an orphanage? This becomes a very personal question that I rarely answer - as really, its no ones business except for my kiddos. I don't give specifics, basically the answer - which is truthful is that they were there because they did not have anyone who was able to care for them properly.

6. What do you know about their "birth" family? More than enough.. why do you ask?

For folks who have not adopted before.. the above question/answer section is sort of a wake up call... there are alot of questions that are very personal in adoptions... though adoptions are many times a hot topic to find out more personal facts about someone... you need to put the shoe on the other foot... most folks don't go around asking questions about how YOU were conceived, or why YOUR parents may have divorced, what methods YOU used while giving birth, etc.

For folks interested in adoption, and in possibly thinking of starting the process... your best bet is to ask more questions about the "process"... as each different state, country or option will be totally different! There are so many blogs, websites and sources out there who can help answer all the questions you have! Children are essentially FREE... there is not a pricetag on a child, or a sale or a clearance... but the whole "process" is not free!

I'm just curious about other off-the-wall questions that my fellow bloggies have had about their adoptions... please comment - I'd love to hear them!

Amy